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We're not Settling For Anything Less Than Everthing This Time!! |
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February 12 Better DayI must say venting on this blog really helped me clear my head. I feel I made better choices today . I had grits/ turkey sausage/V-8 juice for breakfast, a lettuce salad with tuna and artichokes and balsamic vinegar on it for lunch and a salad with cheese pecans and cranberries with a Tbs. of rasberry vinigrette for dinner and a ton of water.(I may be up all night) I walked a mile and 3/4 again today.
My dad and brother arrived today we'll see what they add to my stress level and my exercize plans. February 11 Emotional and stress eatingI really have been too ashamed to blog. We had a Super Bowl Party and of course that was where it kind of started. I was stressed about having to help my kids get projects together for the fair, my husband plans a party, so I have to shop, clean and cook on top of my obligations to my children and my 4-H club. Long story short I ended up eating a little bit more than I should've. Okay instead of just forgiving myself and moving on the next day I am all PMSing and of course out of emotional distress I ate alot of the stuff left over from the Super Bowl party . Friday things went from bad to worse I had a field trip with my kids so I missed exercizing that day but planned to on Saturday morning , little did I know the roller coaster my life and emotions were about to embark on ,starting Friday night. I found out a friend of mine and my children was being stalked, threatened and forced out of our lives in the capacity he had been in it before. Any way that is as much as I can say about that situation. But on top of that situation I have been faced with ghosts from my own past that are haunting me because of this and the reprecussions my past and my husbands past are having on my children.
Now I have gained back 5 lbs and I feel like a total failure again at losing weight . I have always been an emotional and stress eater. Food has been my freind for 23 years now. It never judges me, it doesn't break my trust , betray or abandon me. I just feel like a total freak because of it. I am really a nice person, I think I am not hidiously unattractive , I have good kids, a nice home and seriously everything to be thankful for and to want to live for but I am
 disfunction.al. I can't open myself to people even people that probably think we are pretty good friends, not even my husband--- I don't trust him with my feelings. He's hurt me too many times over the past 17 years (not physically of course).I just lost the only man on this earth I will probably ever totally trust, my grandaddy passed away 3 months ago. It has devastated me , I try to pull myself up everyday to stay out of a depression. Ifeel like I am rambling , I just needed to write , to talk, to get things out of my head so maybe I can think straight again. I really want to get back on track.I did get up and walk this morning 1 3/4 miles. I ate oatmeal / turkey sausage/ oj for breakfast
a light hot dog on a wheat bun for lunch/ kung pao chicken for a snack and a lite turkey burger on a wheat bun with avacado,lettuce and tomato for dinner. I calculated 1600 calories which falls within my targeted calories of 1300-1700 per day .My weigh in on Friday was 246 lb. I hope this Friday I will be moving downward again. My father in law also had a bad week and gained 1 lb back. I am sure he is planning on working harded this week too.
"I can do all things through Christ who stregnth s me."Amen.  February 01 Belated 4th weigh inWell Papa Bill called me on Wednesday morning and he had lost 2 more pounds which put him at 216 lbs. I am really proud of him and I know he is trying really hard. That brings his total weight loss to 14 lbs. I wanted to wait until today to weigh because I had set a little mini goal of 16 lbs by Feb. 1, So I weighed this morning and stayed exactly the same as last week 240 lbs. I am pretty disappointed. I guess I'll just have to work harder next week. I believe I am exercizing enough. Of course since in the outside world unlike the game we can't work out hours a day so we can't expect to drop the numbers they do there. Also on the show they are living in a controled environment where there kids aren't asking for fast food and they always have enough healthy food on hand they aren't really as temped. So what do I do about the temptation factor?
I know my problem is my eating habits and I can pinpoint after 3 as being the time I tend to cave. So I need to get a better plan. January 25 Just journalingI am still feeling tired and cranky, but not nausus atleast. I have started walking a mile and a half 3 days a week. I have given up soda and cut sweets to minimum. I am eating a healthy breakfast and taking vitamins and drinking lots of water. I will start entering my menus more often to see what triggers over eating, mood swings and lack of energy. Today I started out with breakfast Honey Bunches of Oh's, 2turkey sausages, and 20oz. of water. Lunch was Whopper Jr(no cheese) and 16 ozs. water, Dinner was a salad with grilled chicken,corn, tomatoes,black beans,no dressing salsa instead and 32 ozs. of water. Last night I forgot my vitamin but I'm taking it now and having some green tea with honey and a handful of almonds for a snack. I am disappointed with the Whopper Jr but I was busy and unable to eat until 2pm and I would have normally had onion rings and a Coke with that and I opted for just water so that is a change forthe better, so I am not going to beat myself up over it.
I am setting small goals for myself My this month's goal is 235lbs. and when I reach that I am buying myself new bras as a reward( Every goal I reach I will give myself some sort of reward.)At 55 lbs. I may get a puppy, who knows. January 23 Weigh In #3Today we actually weighed together for a change. We each lost 3lbs. That puts me at 240 and Bill at 218. So our total weight loss is 24 lb. I am happy we both had a loss but I would like my numbers to be larger. Maybe I should live by the adage slow and steady wins the race.
I do have to admit I thought I would be full of energy and feel so great after I started exercizing and eating right and taking vitamins but I have felt awful my body aches, I'm tired and have no energy. I am beginning to think there is something wrong with me. I almost passed out and threw up after exercizing today, then I had to take a 2 hour nap this morning. Yesterday I was tired and cranky . Since I always heard exercize is suppose to give you energy , these reactions kind of scare me. I have decided to keep up what I've been doing for 2 more weeks and if I still feel crumby I'll see a doctor.
I am adding another quarter of a mile to my walk this week which puts me at 1 1/2 miles every other day and 2 days of either pilates/low impact aerobics/yoga/weights/kick boxing. i like to mix it up a little Well it's getting late and I haven't had dinner. Soup sounds good.TTFN.
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